Beast

RUN!!

Don’t stop,

Keep doing what you’re doing.

Dodge, push, breathe, release,

harder, faster, falling.

Eyes, swallowing you,

consumed by darkness,

Run.

Breathe! In! Out!

Calm once again.

Minds revel in their peace once again… for how long?

 

One step, two step, thr…………

“Save me” (More writing)

Winds whipped, poisoning her skin pink,

eyes dared her,

voices louder, coaxing, screaming, desperate

“-ump! Don’t jump!”

Salt flowing, cascading onto the stained red, scarring soft flesh.

Tackled by warmth, her orbs dull, refused to divert from their path as she fell. Harshly impacting onto….flesh?

opening her orbs once again, (that she didn’t realise she had closed) they spy a body.

‘That would explain the warmth.’

Arms wrapped around her, imprisoning her against him.

“Don’t leave me, I don’t know what I would do without you”

Pulling back, matching her orbs, salt free-flowed down their faces as he cooed sweet nothing’s to her.

Finally, tears blurring her vision, she buries her face into his chest, gripping his inviting warmth closer…

“Never again will you feel this way if I can help it…”

Love 

What is love?

The idea?

The feeling?

Realistically, it is in-definable.

Subjective to the person, the situation.

Love is just that,

it is not always what you want it to be,

it is always what you need it to be.

It is uncontrollable, but relationships,

they take effort, to grow and change, together.

That feeling you get when all you can do is think of how they are,

looking forward to waking up to them,

their eyes, reading them, loving them,

caring for them.

Being in love, gives you that mutual eternity of annoyances,

yes.

However, it also gives so much more.

 

That complete feeling that nothing and no-one else gives you.

Seeing yourself through their eyes,

reflecting, giving parts of yourself to that person,

just to see their smile.

Doing nothing, and still having the best time ever.

 

Love is choosing to brave the storms together,

because, they are who they are,

they are a whole new​ kind of beauty to you,

a beauty, that you did not know could take your breath away,

a beauty, that you did not know you could live without.

Love is uncontrollable.

Staying in love…

now that’s the hard part

Listen

You know what’s sad?

We don’t listen. How often do we sit down and listen, pay attention to what someone says, or what they are thinking, how they are behaving?

Probably, like a lot of things, not enough. Think about it. How much more deeply would we know people if we took into account how they change, how they reach out when they are sad. Sharing books, songs, words? Or,  how they smile at little things, like kittens and sunsets.

How much richer would we be to have that privilege to know them so well. Not only that, but listening, attention could save a life without realising it. Imagine, screaming out for acknowledgement by sharing a music link, or posting a post, and someone kindly speaking to you. Giving that outlet, to tell someone “I’m not okay” and in return them saying “I’m here, is there anything I can do for you right now?”

“Cold, so cold. Despite the soaring heat. Frozen in time, orbs glisten, scaring pink softness. Overwhelming agony rips me inside, falling as I’m ripped into yet more pieces. Pain. There are no words to speak, no, just precious beautiful pasts. Don’t let go, never let go.

One day, my darling, your wings will soar again. When all feels lost, there is still hope. A strength of inhuman proportion, a comfort, a will. To live on, as the pain scars, the scars heal. Don’t let go. Little angel, all feels lost. Not forever. Cherish the beauty, the time. Rather than dwell upon that of which is impermanent. Do not fear, love, we will see you again one day. “

Family; What is it?

Throughout my life I’ve become increasingly aware of people whose families are not how we are taught them to be stereotypically. The mum, dad and the 2.5 children. Along with the issues that come with the different types of family. One thing remains, family, ultimately is a feeling.

Many people I’ve known have had father/mother/family issues, anger, rage, hatred, sadness. In all honesty, I view it like this. Mother and Father are titles, Mum and Dad are roles, they are the people who love you, care for you no matter what, even when you have messed up. Mum often said to us when we were younger, even now sometimes..

“Don’t get me wrong, if you killed someone. I would be the first person to march you down to the police station and say you should serve your time. BUT, I would still love you.”

How powerful, that love that never ends. Even if you have no biological family, friends can give you that family feeling. They won’t replace them, but they will give that security, that no matter what, you are loved, welcome and safe. Even when you fall out for silly, or serious reasons, real family will work through that.

They may not agree, but they will still love you.

We still love you.

The power of music

Ladies, Gentlemen…..Merfolk….Humans, I’m all about feelings, and emotion.. on here, so I thought “hey, let’s talk music”.

Music is poetry for the soul, it has the power to coax our emotions, it helps explain and express how we feel. Ever notice you listen to the genre or the same songs when you’re sad or angry? Music can bring us to our knees because it is so beautiful or emotional, with the matching of the lyrics and tunes e.t.c. or it can make us dance (no judgement here, dancing has no rules, it’s basically any movement to a beat.) Sometimes, I just can not help but sit down and think about how amazing some of the everyday things we think of are. I can not help but feel that we as humans could not live without music, there are so many uses and needs for it. Calming, hyping up, sadness, happiness, beauty, it’s one of the ultimate forms of expression isn’t it? For those of us who can not find the words, more often than not,  we can find a song to represent what we want to say, and how we feel.  So powerful, music has saved SO MANY lives, and aids healing, because it gives us hope and an outlet. I am in fact listening to music as I type this post (and every post on here.)

For these reasons alone I honestly can not say that I have a favorite genre.

Do you?

Mental health story writing

Orbs boring into the body, as they float, drifting from place to place. She could feel their judgement, darting around, searching for the gazes she could feel. Nothing, of course, there never was.

‘Am I crazy? I don’t think I am’. Memories, feelings flooding her core,

‘strong, be strong. Only a few more minutes. Come on, we can do this, bite it back’. Battling within for control, good versus bad.

Sliding behind the solid oak once again, releasing the breath, held for too long.

“Safe” she whispers into the silence once again. As the drowning begins, sinking, shaking. Overwhelmed.

‘Breathe! How do I breathe? What’s wrong with me? It was never this hard before’.

‘Stupid, why are you so stupid? Why couldn’t we be normal? What’s wrong with you? Why does life hurt? Will it ever stop?’.  Her chest heaves, salt flows down her porcelain esque features. Broken again, knowing it isn’t forever. The numbness will come again. Happiness exists.

‘I will be okay, but right now. I’m really not’. Unknowingly her claws rake at her skin, desperate to feel anything but the darkness swallowing her very being in the moment.

‘No! No, I can’t’ heavy and shallow. Breaking her silence, her body wracks. Time passes, painfully. Her state unchanging, the dark post-numbness clouds her. Mind consumed in darkness, ready to break again at any moment. Like a trial,

‘last this long and you’ll be okay again for a while’ as she rocks herself in a calm deep dark numbness, the ultimate sweet release ever closer. Eyes heavy, chest rising and falling slowly, thoughts slowing…..mumbling to herself

“Sometimes, sleep is the only help.”

Love.Kindness.Success

We often wonder why we aren’t happy.

Why aren’t we happy? If only I had this object, or that person’s attention, or because the world is so bad.

While things hold the potential to improve life, the one thing that is FREE and actually both spiritually and scientifically has been proven to improve happiness is Love, Goodness, Kindness, Patience. Why do we share so much hate, violence and sadness? While it is good to acknowledge what happens in the world, is it not better to get up off of our chairs and change the world?

If I feel lonely and broken and unsatisfied, I don’t need fixing, I need people who will stand by me while I fix myself. While I learn who I am, what kind of goodness makes ME happy? yes, but I know, part of that is being surrounded by happy people. People that I can help, spread happiness to or kindness or companionship. Believe it or not, these little things, everyday make a huge difference in people’s lives. All of these phrases and motto’s (Be the best you, that you can be. Good triumphs again. e.c.t.) just think about them for a moment. What use is it to anyone to spread hate, violence, negativity, and despair. We’re still learning the line between encouraging awareness of what happens in the world, but not giving way to it. It is so sad, that people die, are murdered, rights are taken away, e.c.t. and we can turn around and say we are not surprised that it happens in the world. What do you do?

What are you thankful for?

Expectations

I’m not sure what I get out of doing this, I suppose it’s like a journal really isn’t it? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Statistics speak for themselves when they say the number of people who experience a mental health issue at, at least one period of their life is GROWING. Though there are factors related to this such as:

  • A growth in acknowledged disorders, diseases, or conditions (as a whole medically, not just mentally as these can lead to mental health issues)
  • Does this show that society is doing something wrong?
  • Could lifestyles and culture changes help reduce such issues?
  • An increase of mental health awareness positivity campaigns (even the royals have been actively partaking -for which I admire them- )

One thing I know that I’ve heard many people with different issues say is that,  they have felt ‘abnormal, weird, or strange’ for feeling/ experiencing/ doing how or what they do. I’m here to say guys, there is no such thing as normal. ‘Normal’ is just a societally created term in order to define the majority’s lifestyle. It neglects to account for the concept that we are free willed beings, we think, feel and do what we like. Thus subjectivity (I both love and hate that word), it is completely okay to feel how you feel, however, it is soo much better to be or strive for health. Not fat, or thin, or happy or sad, those are labels. Just, striving to be the best you that you can be.